


yeah sex is cool but have you ever

by beetlejuulce



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, I hope, IDC! they're BEST friends forever, also THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS, attempt at humor ig, back 2 my roots.... AGAIN, chat fic, franky seems? off to me at first but like. i will have him right soon, idk i can never confine myself to one messaging platform bc the story unfolds a certain way AHDHSDH, it has elements from discord and instagram dms and... life360 LMAOOO, sanji oppression!, takes place on some like... hybrid texting platform, this is quite the feat im attempting. dont beat me up for it, this is where i bully sanji, trying to be funny. AND IN CHARACTER?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlejuulce/pseuds/beetlejuulce
Summary: zoro sent their locationzoro: I am here.basically; a one piece chat fic.
Relationships: Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates
Comments: 19
Kudos: 57





	1. shut up, cishet

**Author's Note:**

> hey
> 
> ugh yes i know i finally have time to revisit my #writing career and i come back with another chatfic of all things. it's fine.
> 
> anyways! the app they're texting on it so? not real. it doesn't exist. it's a convoluted hybrid of elements from discord and life360 messages and other various social media dms i gues but they're slowing becoming the same so like. whatever.
> 
> im am at a WAR with this title. it took three days to even come up with something so if it randomly changes... im so sorry.

**zoro sent their location**

zoro: I am here.

**tangerine liked zoro's location**

tangerine: there you are.

zoro: help

**tangerine liked zoro's location**

tangerine: no

meatluvr: WOAHHHH

**meatluvr liked zoro's location**

**meatluvr liked zoro's location**

**meatluvr liked zoro's location**

**meatluvr liked zoro's location**

zoro: STOP LIKING IT

sniperking: YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE THE MAN THERE TO DIE!!!!!!!!?!?????!??!!!!

namiluvr: he's fine

zoro: dont ditch me :(

zoro: ditch sanji :)!

namiluvr: i will beat you within an inch of your life

zoro: come pick me up first

meatluvr: dont worry zoro i am On my way! :)

tangerine: I'M on MY way

meatluvr sent their location

tangerine: luffy will just get lost

**meatluvr sent their location**

meatluvr: I am here.

meatluvr: im lost

tangerine: cant even finish my fucking forecast

namiluvr: nami is the sexiest weatherman ive ever seen 😻😻😻

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

**tangerine liked meatluvr's location**

tangerine: anyways

choppa: 🤯

FRANKY: How Do I Send A Message Question Mark Siri Send My Messgae Send It Period Are You Sending It Siri Question Mark Send It God Fucking Damn It

sniperking: FFIFIDDIEKFKSSMQOEJRGND WIV9XSOCK

FRANKY: Voice to text is a stupid bitch.

FRANKY: I figured it out. 🙂

tangerine: luffy and zoro r safe now if u were wondering 😌

namiluvr: never doubted you for a minute my love 😻😻😻😻😻

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

sniperking: STOP SPAMMING

tangerine: i dont wanna reply 2 him

namiluvr: who 😻😻

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

**tangerine sent a ❤️**

sniperking: NAMI

meatluvr: i have a super fun idea!!!

zoro: my phone died

meatluvr: that's not my idea

meatluvr: my idea is to go throw bricks at the governor's house

tangerine: LUFFY

nico robin: fun idea. but also bad idea.

**FRANKY reacted to robin's message with ❤️**

FRANKY: Pogger.

namiluvr: does it ever tire you out knowing you have the common sense of a traffic cone

meatluvr: common sense shmommon sense

meatluvr: viva la revolution!

sniperking: ignore it and he'll give up

zoro: my phone died again

tangerine: invest in a charger

zoro: no money :(

tangerine: check your venmo

zoro: it's just a money REQUEST from you 😐

tangerine: yep 😌

**zoro reacted to tangerine's message with 🖕**

zoro: bitch

soulking: Real Ghost Caught On Camera Videos

soulking: Oh! This isn't the YouTubes...

meatluvr: I WANT TO SEE GHOSTS

choppa: ghosts 😰😰😰😰

zoro: ghosts aren't real and neither is jesus

soulking: THE JESUS ISN'T REAL?

sniperking: no but i am! the great and awesome and sexy awesome and cool spectacular usopp is very real!

**namiluvr reacted to sniperking's message with 👎**

sniperking: haters wanna hate 😐🖕

meatluvr: buggy is on da phone with shanks 🤯

tangerine: ok

meatluvr: this is a big development! 

zoro: if you are going to buggy's this weekend i am NOT coming over

meatluvr: why not :(

zoro: buggy's new husband tried to STAB ME!!

meatluvr: HAHAHAHA 

meatluvr: buggy doesnt have a new husband

meatluvr: i have no idea who that man was

zoro: WHAT

meatluvr: anyways

meatluvr: buggy HATES shanks but deep down he will never remarry 

tangerine: gay people ❤️

sniperking: didn't shanks remarry doe

meatluvr: yes! makino is Awesome

tangerine: shanks BICON!!!

namiluvr: i could be your bicon nami 😻😻😻

sniperking: shut up cishet

FRANKY: What is a Bacon?

FRANKY: Bicon*

choppa: ?

sniperking: bisexual icon 😌

tangerine: yeah

tangerine: anyways who wants to buy me a redbull

namiluvr: I WILL MY DARLING

tangerine: wow thanks for offering ZORO. will you get an orange one and also a chocolate milk for luffy :)

zoro: i didn't offer

tangerine: :)

zoro: an orange one?

tangerine: yes, thank you!

zoro: 🙄

namiluvr: Zoro Will Die Today

sniperking: chill it, simp

namiluvr: Simp means Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Pussy. A man is only a simp if the girl he is after has a mediocre pussy, but nami’s pussy is a goddess pussy, at worst. I will continue to donate 50% of my paycheck to nami because I know that it’s not simping. nami if you see this I love you. please text me back.

tangerine: venmo zoro the money for my redbull

namiluvr: okayyy 😻😻😻😻😻

FRANKY: Pogger!

sniperking: oh no he's learning

nico robin: the beauty of knowledge

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

tangerine: pogger$!!!

sniperking: oh god she's so money focused all her s's are dollar signs!

tangerine: shut up

sniperking: you mean: $hut up

meatluvr: zoro should be back by now :(

meatluvr: the con

meatluvr: convenence

meatluvr: 712

meatluvr: 771

meatluvr: 711

meatluvr: the 711 is only a block away from the park :(

choppa: UR @ THE PARK WITHOUT ME :(!

tangerine: sorry chopper :(

**zoro sent their location**

zoro: I am here.

tangerine: HOW DID YOU GET THAT LOST

sniperking: GEHAIFAJFOALWPGKOSO

FRANKY: WHaT?

sniperking: i take it back i dont need franky keysmashes in my life

soulking: Let him smash!

FRANKY: ASDFGHJKL

nico robin: progress

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

tangerine: at least he knows how to do that 👀

nico robin: hm

nico robin: at least

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

FRANKY: i am not that boomer! i am COOL!!

FRANKY: see now i dont capitalize sentences like the rest of you

meatluvr: UR JUSTGNNA DITCG BROOK LIEK THATD???_??#

FRANKY: sorry man

tangerine: say bruh

FRANKY: bruh

tangerine: poggers

meatluvr: bruh!!!!!!!!!!!!

**zoro sent their location**

zoro: I am here.

namiluvr: we See You 

namiluvr: stupid green fuck

zoro: haha

zoro: come get me

meatluvr: On my way!

**zoro sent their location**

  
  
  



	2. poop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i forgot i existed

zoro: yo i just woke up from the JUICIEST nap this side of the world has ever seen

meatluvr: y is it juiciy

zoro: drool

tangerine: gross! >:-(

namiluvr: absolutely disgusting, you grass stained shithead

zoro: 😴

meatluvr: anyways, just pooped!

tangerine: tmi :/

meatluvr: is it tmi or do you just not care about my poops :'( </3

zoro: heart been broke so many times...

FRANKY: how was it

meatluvr: it was GREAT

sniperking: 😐😐😐

meatluvr: not you too usopp 😢😢😢

meatluvr: pooping is AWESOME

tangerine: SHUT UP ABOUT POOPING 🤬🤬🤬🤬

nico robin: luffy is right. pooping IS awesome

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

namiluvr: one thing i want yall to know women. women are so goddamn beautiful you know why? women dont fart they poop! poop!!! "scuse me, i made a smelly!!" nah bitch i think you shit! god motherfuckin damn!

tangerine: what is he saying i blocked him

nico robin: do you really want to know

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

tangerine: on second thought?

tangerine: no

sniperking: YO

sniperking: we should start a podcast

meatluvr: OHHHHHHHH 

meatluvr: YES

zoro: no

tangerine: no

namiluvr: no

FRANKY: i think it's a good idea

tangerine: oh yeah? which one of us is goinf to successfully organize it?

tangerine: bc i dont want to

meatluvr: uh....

meatluvr: hm....

meatluvr: good question nami!

namiluvr: where would we be without nami 😻😻😻

tangerine: dead in a ditch probably

tangerine: luffy can't even admin the chat on his own and zoro would probably delete it

zoro: yeah

tangerine: i do everything in this god damn house

nico robin: :patontheback:

nico robin: oh

nico robin: 💔

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

choppa: podcasts r nice to listen to

choppa: press play and boom ur fast asleep

namiluvr: i would love to fall asleep listening to a podcast of nami speaking in her beautiful voice 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

sniperking: can you offer anything else to the conversation that isnt disgusting

namiluvr: no, die.

tangerine: 😬😬😬😬

meatluvr: OH I THINK ACE HAS A PODCAST

namiluvr: WHAT

zoro: oh god

tangerine: LMFAOO WHAT

**tangerine added fire dick ace to the chat**

tangerine: THIS DUDE TALKS INTO A MIC AND UPLOADS IT ON THE INTERNET LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

fire dick ace: huh

fire dick ace: yo what the fuck

meatluvr: HI ACE :)

namiluvr: yeah. what the fuck?

fire dick ace: HEY.

namiluvr: wtf is ur podcast even ABOUT

fire dick ace: traveling?

fire dick ace: i travel

namiluvr: ah yes

namiluvr: "today i will be counting down the top 10 best public transports in eastern europe"

fire dick ace: I don't need to take this from someone who sucks toes

namiluvr: i

sniperking: HENFKWFIWOFKAKE

tangerine: 💀💀💀💀💀 

fire dick ace: bye bye ;)

**fire dick ace left the chat**

soulking: He killed him and then LEFT!

FRANKY: it was so brutal *wipes tear*

zoro: good riddance

namiluvr: I WILL STRANGLE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP

sniperking: rip sanji 💔💔

tangerine: taken from us far too soon 😢

namiluvr: HEY

zoro: 😢😢😢 it's almost like we can still hear his voice

nico robin: gone but never forgotten 💔

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

namiluvr: NOT YOU TOO ROBIN 

choppa: AH!! A GHOST!!

meatluvr: WHERE!!!

choppa: THE GHOST OF SANJI LIVES ON IN THIS CHAT 😨😨😨

zoro: nooo he's haunting us

namiluvr: boo :/

soulking: I'm shaking in my boots!

FRANKY: don't worry guys im an ordained minister

tangerine: can ordained ministers do exorcisms tho?

nico robin: Solemn exorcisms, according to the Canon law of the church, can be exercised only by an ordained priest (or higher prelate), with the express permission of the local bishop, and only after a careful medical examination to exclude the possibility of mental illness, and in the ritual people cannot in any circumstance be ...

nico robin: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exorcism_in_Christianity#Catholicism

nico robin: im guessing... no?

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

**FRANKY reacted to nico robin's message with ❤️**

tangerine: bummer!

FRANKY: i guess we're stuck with him then folks

sniperking: tragic

sniperking: just when we thought we were finally rid of him!

namiluvr: chucking a can of garbanzo beans at usopps head asmr

FRANKY: worst beans choice

meatluvr: "I don't dance," Sasuke snapped back. "Anyway, what's Gay Pride Day? What are they proud of?"

tangerine: WHAT

sniperking: HOMOPHOBIDBFC SASUKESJEE

meatluvr: oh oops

zoro: what is going ON

soulking: "I don't dance," Sasuke snapped back. "Anyway, what's Gay Pride Day? What are they proud of?"

soulking: obviously

tangerine: PLEASEEEE

namiluvr: yes 😻😻

tangerine: "I don't dance," Sasuke snapped back. "Anyway, what's Gay Pride Day? What are they proud of?"

namiluvr: 😐

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epic server moment sorry im on MOBILE https://discord.gg/SStg32B
> 
> also <3 https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii if you think im funny pop by the [discord server](https://discord.gg/zztZ3aC) and talk to me in real time! 
> 
> also check out this [carrd](https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co/) for resources on where to donate, sign, and learn. 
> 
> ALSO please tell me someone has used life360 before either bc of their strict ass parents or to make a group for fun with their friends bc spam liking someones location is SO FUCKING FUN. had to include it it's so funny.
> 
> also also also... do NOT come for me for repeating the "x character cant spell the word convenience and just puts 7-11" joke. can't steal a joke if i was the one who said it first!! idk why i felt the need to point this out lol but the jjba chat fic i wrote was INSANELY popular and still is tbh. i run into it everywhere so i just wanna say :) that's me.
> 
> sorry i talk so much


End file.
